This morning I awoke from a really awesome dream in which I was seeing live music. I was at a small outdoor venue and on the stage was Mickey Hart on guitar (?), Andy Thorn on banjo and Andy’s wife Cecelia on vocals, along with an orchestra on the grass in front of them. (I started following Cecelia Thorn on Instagram recently so I imagine that’s why she was in my dream, but really have no idea why.)
When the band started their first song I danced so hard and did a crazy jedi dance move where I was able to jump up, lay horizontal and do a 360 in the air. I hit my head on something in the act, and decided to move closer to the stage because there was barely anyone in the audience. As I moved up front it began to rain and I went under an E-Z Up. Right as I started to dance to the second song my 5:40AM alarm went off and I was forced awake for work, and not very happy about it. I was bummed I got taken away from that dream, right when I was about to get some good dancing in.
Luckily I got some good dancing done in real life in my apartment this evening. I was about to stream the featured Phish show when I was reminded that Vince Herman was doing a live stream, and I decided to watch that, instead. Vince’s authentic and vibrant energy lifted my already high spirits and I felt the vibe.
I actually haven’t even really watched the Phish streams the past couple weeks. I mean, I’ve watched portions of them, but lately not the entire thing. There’s just something about watching a Phish show alone and sober that hasn’t been holding my interest for all that long every Tuesday night, especially if I need to relax my energy for an early bed time. The past couple weeks I’ve skipped the second sets, but in other news, I’ve quit drinking as much as I was when quarantine began.
However, I am listening to the second set of the 12/29/18 stream right now, along with everyone else watching “Dinner And a Movie.” I’ve seen this show before because I streamed in the family room at my parents’ house when it was happening. I loved the show and was bummed I wasn’t there, especially because I was visiting my family in northern NJ and was 35 miles away from MSG at the time. I had plans to go the next two nights, though, and had an amazing New Year’s Eve experience, thanks to the Phish, and the guy I got my ticket from.
Tonight I am feeling entertained by the Phish stream, and I did have one beer. Not sure if that correlates. I think it’s just my energy tonight, which has been much more positive lately than it was when the coronavirus-quarantine-stuff first began. I actually have been doing some self-medicating with a natural substance after my therapist recommended antidepressants to me three times. My method is working fucking wonders. Today was day 32 of it. I’d like to write about it in more detail, but not sure I feel comfortable doing that right now.
I should I have said “my former therapist” in the last paragraph because I had to break up with her. One day before a scheduled appointment she sent me a text message and said she had to cancel our appointment, and then confided in me via text that she was having en emotional breakdown and was worried about herself. I understood where she was coming from and didn’t hold it against her, but as far as a professional relationship between us is concerned, that cord was cut. One friend I told this story to said it’s probably a good sign she confided in me because it shows she thinks I am mentally stable.
I might give up on therapy soon. I don’t think I’m getting the feedback I want out of it. I actually liked the therapist I dumped better than the one I replaced her with, but we’ve only had two sessions. I cancelled my third session because I was tired and didn’t feel like talking. I think I want to be analyzed and told why I make the decisions I do, but it’s usually just me talking about past relationship issues. It seems like I get more out of reading self-help books and Google searches, but I still highly recommend therapy to anyone considering it. I’ve described it as a weight being lifted off my shoulders. Sometimes it just helps to talk to someone, and maybe I haven’t found the right match yet.
I’ve been pretty busy lately. I succeeded at finding ways to fill my time…I guess. I’ve been working my garden landscape job 2-3 days/week and got my garden plot all planted. I’ve had some side jobs the past couple weeks, and even made the bold move to hang out with two friends last Saturday night. However, a few days after we hung out one of them texted to tell me that he had a sore throat and slight fever, which of course freaked me out a little, but it turned out he had strep throat and not Covid-19.
I suppose I’ve finally gotten used to my little non-social life. Most days I sleep from 10:30PM-6:30AM, give or take. Aside from work situations and my community garden, I don’t spend time with very many people. I’ve had some invitations to hang out and/or party with a few people, and I usually say no. This whole “stay at home(ish)” experience has been really good for me, and just what I needed. I do miss live music, though, and tonight while dancing to the most funky “Party Time” ever in the kitchen during the Phish stream I realized that when concerts do return I will probably dance harder than ever before…and I tend to dance pretty hard.
I recently decided to do something adultish and invested in some new bedding. It has been a trial and error of testing out the perfect comforter for me, and I am expecting my fourth blanket in the mail this week. I hope #4 is the one. This blanket is supposed to be fluffy yet cooling, because it contains a down alternative and is made from eucalyptus fiber.
I will let you all know how that goes – maybe it will be my next blog post!
I hope you all are doing well and able to enjoy life right now.
Sending love.
LC
Rocky Mountain Ramblings 